Happily Ever After
by LadyRaider
Summary: Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life, I was a fool to think it could.
1. Part I

Title: Happily Ever After  
  
Summary: Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life, I was a fool to think it could.  
  
Disclaimer: They're not mine, ok guys?  
  
Authors note: Ok, so this is from Kathy's POV, I know a few of you are probably groaning right now, but please read it. I wouldn't be posting it if I thought it was total crap, so it's got to be at least a little good.  
  
XXXX  
  
When I first met him I couldn't stand him, the way he tells it he wasn't fond of me either. I saw him as this cocky, egotistical jerk, much like all the other guys I had ever known. And he saw me as a ditz, just another preppy blonde. Maybe at first I was the epitome of the ditzy cheerleader, and he was a self-confident jock, but then we got to know each other. We had a mutual friend, he introduced us, and although I already thought he was a jerk I had to admit, he was very attractive. It didn't take long for me to fall in love.  
  
Then, I was pregnant. The look on his face when I told him, it was priceless. I knew he was scared, we were still so young, but his eyes just lit up, I knew he would be such a great father. And he was a wonderful father and an even more wonderful husband. I hadn't thought it was possible, but after Maureen was born I fell more in love with him, and I continued to fall.  
  
Even when he went and joined the marines. I hated him at first, here I was a young mother and he was leaving to do what? Feel proud? I didn't understand it. Maureen was his daughter too; leaving when she was so young was just stupid. And then I was pregnant again, that just made things worse.  
  
Then, when he came back, he had to go and doing something stupid again. As if being a marine wasn't dangerous enough, he had to go and be a police officer. I was nothing but nerves those first few years, which was only made worse by two young children at home. Then, as if on cue I got pregnant again. Of course I would have twins. It was hard enough having to deal with two young children, but then I also had to take care of two newborns, all the while my husband was out doing what? Protecting the city. He was supposed to be at home, protecting us. His damn pride.  
  
But, I got through it. It was a miracle from God, but we managed. Now, most mothers are distraught on their children's first day of school, but I was relieved. By then, Maureen was a teenager, and Kathleen had just hit double digits. They were both old enough to take care of their brother and sister, so I got a break. Instead of working part-time I could now work full-time, we didn't depend on Elliot's job anymore, not as much.  
  
By then he was a detective. When he first told me about being on the SVU squad I felt sick, how could he deal with all those things everyday? Homicide I could deal with, nothing to get attached to, the victims weren't alive, they weren't women and teens just like me and my daughters, nor were they defenseless children like Dickey and Lizzie. Narcotics, maybe. I knew it was more dangerous, but then he would be dealing with nothing but scum, and vice was nothing but tramps. Anything but special victims.  
  
I could see the profound effect that working on the SVU had on him, he'd come home with bags under his eyes, a sour expression on his face. During the middle of the night he would crawl out of bed and into Maureen's room, Kathleen and Lizzie's room, or Dickeys room, and just watch them as they slept. All night long he would just sit in their rooms and watch, sometimes I could hear him talking, praying I assumed. Sometimes there would be cursing, and sometimes (and these were rare occasions) silent weeping was all I could hear. Every now and then I would wake up in the middle of the night only to see his bright blue eyes staring at me.  
  
That was all I had to indicate that work wasn't going so well, or that he had a particularly bad case. He had his partner to talk with; he didn't want me to carry the same burden as he did. The weight of his job was nearly too much for him to bear, he knew it would be too heavy for me. He brought his partner over sometimes, he was a nice man, loved the kids. When I learned of his death I tried my best to comfort my husband, but my best wasn't good enough.  
  
Then he had a new partner. He didn't say much about her in the first days, just that she was a her, and to him seemed a bit green. He later told me that he had been mistaken on that opinion, completely. Olivia was her name, he said. Olivia Benson. For the first couple of months I saw that same look in his eyes that he had when he first started working on the SVU, without his partner to talk with things just built up inside, it had nowhere to go. But then, one day I noticed that look was gone. Of course he still had those same bags under his eyes and I would still wake up alone in the bed, only to hear him talking or crying in the room next to me, but the weight wasn't so much anymore. He could talk to Olivia, and for the first time I was jealous of his partner. I never had been before, when his partner was an older male instead of a younger female.  
  
The first time I saw her that jealousy grew. At first the only thing I had to be jealous about was that she could help him with his problems, his work-related feelings, things that Elliot decided I couldn't deal with. In my mind I pictured a less attractive woman, maybe with glasses, short and not so well built. I was fooling myself, I knew it, but as long as I didn't know for sure that was what Olivia Benson looked like. That first day I saw her it took all my effort to keep my composure, she was beautiful, exotically so. Everything I didn't have she did. Tall, slim, dark hair and eyes, next to her I looked plain. Three pregnancy's left my figure in not-so-perfect shape and where my hair had once been beautiful and shinny it was now brittle with dead ends, and my face showed the signs of many years of waking up in the middle of the night to feed the children, I felt simple and unattractive. I decided then and there that I didn't like her. My opinion never changed.  
  
Over the years the slump in his shoulders straightened and his eyes had a new shine to them. I wasn't an idiot; I could see what was going on. My husband, the man that had fathered my four children, the one I had been married to for nearly two decades, was falling in love with another woman. I ignored it; I kept it out of sight and out of mind. He still came home to me every night (or, every night he wasn't working), I was still the mother of his children, and I was still his wife. She was only his partner, I knew my husband wasn't a cheat, maybe he loved her but he would never be with her.  
  
When I was younger, maybe Maureen or Kathleen's age, I would picture what my life would be like. The perfect man, the perfect job, the sound of children running up and down the halls of the perfect house. When Elliot and I got married I told myself that one out of three wasn't bad, Elliot was perfect for me. In my mind I envisioned us riding off into the sunset, the perfect storybook ending. But who was I kidding? Storybook endings are for fairytales. Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life, I was a fool to think it could.  
  
So for now I'll keep telling myself that no matter what Elliot would never do anything to hurt me, maybe he loves her but he loves me, he loved me first, he'll love me forever. Maybe I'm still a fool, a desperate wife trying to hold on to the remnants of what used to be a perfect love, but what's now a convenient marriage. Maybe the best thing for me to do would be to let him go, let him be happy, and try to get on with my life. Who knows, maybe I could fall in love again, too. Maybe we weren't meant for each other, maybe she was meant for him and my perfect other is somewhere out there, waiting for me. Yeah, what a laugh. I'm nothing more than a worn-out mother; I can't compete with all of the Olivia's of the world. Hell, I couldn't even keep my husbands interest anymore.  
  
Maybe storybook endings aren't real, and happily ever after is just a make-believe concept. But as long as I'm kidding myself why not go all out? If I'm going to lie to myself why not lie big? Maybe happily ever after doesn't happen in real life, but what's to stop it from happening in my mind?  
  
There's a simple answer to that question. It's a name, one person has shattered all my hopes and dreams, one person has taken my life and turned it upside down. And that name is Olivia Benson. Because of her I will never be able to live happily ever after. Because of her I have to wake up everyday knowing my husband is in love with another woman, and one day that's going to catch up with me, and I'll be alone.

When Olivia Benson stole my husband she stole my life.  
  
I hope she's happy.  
  
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A/N: Again, if I thought this story was just horrible I wouldn't be posting it. If you've read any of my other stories (at least the continuing ones) Kathy is either nonexistent or a cheating bitch. But, I think this matches what she must be feeling. Anyway, let me know what'cha think about it.


	2. Part II

Title: Happily Ever After Part II  
  
Summary: When it rains it pours.  
  
Disclaimer: Same as Part I  
  
Authors Note: All right, this is the opposite from Elliot's POV. Thanks to all who read the first part.  
  
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I didn't mean for things to happen the way that they did. Why would I have? I was a happily married man; I had a beautiful wife, and four wonderful children. The last thing that I wanted was to fall in love with another woman, least of all my partner. Things weren't meant to end up this way, my wife and I were supposed to live happily ever after. I know now that I was only fooling myself by thinking so.  
  
Who was I kidding anyway? Happily ever after doesn't happen in real life. There's a reason it's called a storybook ending, it only happens in those stories, those fairytales. In real life good hardly ever triumphs over evil, and the prince and his princess don't ride off into the sunset. It just doesn't happen that way, life isn't that perfect.  
  
When I first met my wife I couldn't stand her. She was this blonde cheerleader, very attractive, but in my eyes nothing more than the typical snob. Not that I was perfect, I was the self-sure jock, I thought that I was the shit. I realize now that I was kidding myself then, too. But, I got to know her, my wife. I saw past the blonde hair and fell in love. Hard too, I fell hard for her, almost immediately.  
  
Then, she told me that she was pregnant. I was excited, of course, but I admit that I was scared shitless. We were still so young, too young. What did we know about taking care of a baby anyhow? How was that ever going to work? And then I went into the marines, nothing permanent, just for a couple of years. During that time she had Kathleen, and I felt awful about leaving her with the task of raising two you girls, but I had made a commitment to my country. She understood that, she was pissed at me and didn't back that commitment, but I knew she understood.  
  
Then when I got out of the marines I became a police officer; she wasn't fond of that decision either. I know she was scared those first few years, it was a dangerous job and she was left home with two children, and then of course she would get pregnant again. We Catholics don't have the best method of birth control out there, I'll admit. So, my being a police officer now put more weight on her, not only did she have two young girls to look after now she had two babies. She blames my absence on my pride, she's probably right.  
  
We managed though, somehow we managed. When the twins started school she went back to working fulltime, I could tell she was happy about being able to work more, even if it meant seeing the kids less. We no longer had to depend on my paychecks as much.  
  
When I became a detective she didn't worry as much, of course it was still dangerous, but she hated it when I was an uniformed officer. " A walking target", she told me once, "that's all you are in that uniform, a walking target." She was right about that too. And then I was assigned to the SVU, she hated that. She told me that there was so much more to get attached to working special victims and she wished I would do something like homicide or vice. Anything but the sex police, and I felt the same way, at first.  
  
I'm not going to lie; working on the SVU had a huge effect on me, physically and emotionally. The hours were terrible, I hardly ever got the chance to sleep, and when I did I couldn't. Insomnia was a daily factor, and when I finally did sleep nightmares followed. I could just see something like the cases that I worked happening to my family, and it scared me. So, when I would have nightmares or couldn't sleep I would wonder into my kids' rooms and watch them as they slept. I figured that if I always watched them nothing could happen to them, as long as I was there watching they would be safe. Sometimes when the cases were about women I would watch Kathy as she slept, if anybody ever hurt her, I don't know what I would do. I have a hard enough time dealing with the bastards who hurt total strangers, how would I react if it was somebody I loved?  
  
I never talked to her about work, that was something I talked with my partner about. He understood the horrors I went through, he went through the same things. My wife though, I would never put her through that. What I saw everyday was hard enough for me to deal with, it would be impossible for her to. I didn't like shutting her out like that, but it was for her own protection. I loved her too much for her to know about work.  
  
The day I learned of his death was one of the most horrible days of my life. I couldn't believe it. Without him who would I talk to, who would help me with my problems about work? A new partner, I guessed, but what happens if he's a jackass? I didn't even think of the possibility of my new partner being female, not because I thought women shouldn't be detectives, I had nothing but respect for female cops, I don't know why the thought never occurred to me, it just didn't. Imagine my surprise when she showed up.  
  
I'd be lying if I said that I didn't notice how attractive she was the first time we met, even a married man has eyes. At first she seemed a little green to me, but I think she was just nervous. It didn't take long for me to find out that green was the last thing she was, she had a heavier load than I did. My respect for her grew. That was my first mistake, I felt sorry for her, it ultimately lead to my falling in love. Like I said, big mistake.  
  
I could tell that Kathy was jealous of her, the first time they met. I saw this pain flash in her eyes, she already knew that when I had a work-related problem I talked with her about it, and then add on how beautiful she was. Kathy wasn't normally a jealous woman, but even the most trusting wife would be jealous. Olivia was exotically beautiful, Kathy was beautiful as well, but Olivia's beauty was different. She was strong, independent, and I knew she could kick my ass if I pissed her off, which somehow made her all the more attractive.  
  
Over the years, as my feelings for her developed, things began to change. Little things that I would notice about myself. When I first started to work my shoulders would slump and my eyes were always dull, then one day I looked in the mirror and was surprised by my reflection. I wondered if Kathy had noticed my change in attitude. I was sure that she had, but she made no indication of knowing. I think she didn't want to acknowledge it, as long as she didn't it was like it wasn't happening. Deniability was her only escape.  
  
Other things started to change, too. I would find myself calling her with things that weren't work related, or I would stop by to see how she was doing. Everytime somebody hit on her when we were working I could feel my anger rising, and I knew my cheeks were flushing with it. Instead of waking up in the middle of the night to nightmares, I would wake up to ... other kinds of dreams; they were never of my wife. Like I said, I never meant for things to happen the way they did, but I think that it was inevitable. I couldn't have stopped it even if I had wanted to.  
  
I would never intentionally hurt Kathy; I do still love her. She's my wife and the mother of my children; I'll always love her. But, it's different, the way I feel for Olivia. It's more than my feelings for Kathy, God help me but it is. If I could I would change things, I would have happily ever after be a universal concept, not just a fairytale, and my wife and I would have a storybook ending. But, I can't change things.  
  
I just don't know what to do. Do I ignore how I feel for her? Do like Kathy and pretend that it doesn't exist? Or do I leave her? She deserves a life, one that I can't give her, not anymore. She deserves to be loved the way I love Olivia. I owe her at least that much. Whatever happens, I just want her to be happy. I don't know if I can do that anymore, make her happy, how can I when I'm not?  
  
Guess the saying's true, when it rains it pours.  
  
XXXX  
  
A/N: Anyway, I just got a bit bored in class today and decided I would do Elliot's POV on this! Let me know what'cha think about this one, okey? 


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